HOW-TO BEARD MASK
in the event there’s a global pandemic that requires the use of a mask
at the same time you’re sporting a questionably long beard. *
The barista
a. Comb your beard downward.
b. Lift and fold the beard upward like delicately folded steamed milk into a latte.
c. Tie it off and forget about it like you did the first three novels you tried to write.
THE EASY RIDER
a. Create a straight open road out of your beard.
b. Split beard in the middle and grab both ends like the handles of that vintage motorcycle you dream of buying.
c. Cross them over your face and tuck behind the ears.
THE RIP VAN WINKLE
a. Grow your beard for at least a solid decade.
b. Wrap the beard like a scarf around your face as if you’re about to sleep for 20 years in the Catskills.
c. Now tuck it away like you do your feelings.
* wear a REAL mask
The only effective beard mask is a real mask. Your sick beard isn’t worth getting sick over.
facial hair & masks
Should you shave your quarantine beard? - NPR
Maybe consider shaving that quarantine beard - New York Times
CDC now recommends wearing cloth coverings in public - NPR
Use of cloth face coverings to help slow the spread of Covid-19 - CDC